Parenting

Need to Involve Parents

• Parents are deeply concerned about the welfare and progress of their child.
• They have a warm, personal contact with their child.
• They are the immediate role models for their child.
• A child spends most of his time with parents, whereas he gets to spend only one or two hours a week with the guru.
• The child is expected to practise at home what he has learnt in his balvikas classes.
• The home atmosphere plays a crucial role in moulding the child's personality.

Hence the parent’s involvement through constant monitoring and guidance is very crucial for the success of the balvikas programme.

Guru-Child-Parents

To perform their role effectively, the parents should first of all get acquainted with the unique curriculum of the balvikas programme and the selfless efforts taken by the guru in moulding their child's personality and character development; and how balvikas classes can help solve the issues faced by their child in the fast-changing socio-economic scenario.

The parents and the balvikas gurus have to work hand-in-hand to achieve this noble purpose. Their regular and continuous liaison with the guru and the balvikas class is absolutely necessary.

Hence parenting has become a very important and integral component of the Sri Sathya Sai Balvikas Programme.

Parenting Styles

Parenting styles play a crucial role in shaping a child's personality and overall well-being.

Below you will find some prominent parenting styles with their consequences on the child.

Authoritative parenting with its emphasis on 'freedom with discipline’ or 'law with love' is the ideal style that is recommended.

Swami has given the example of a bottle-gourd creeper which is tied with a stone to enable it to grow in the right direction.

"Parenting is akin to enclosing a pasture for your sheep. You build a fence and put things the sheep needs inside along with some fun items; then let the sheep roam around within the limits. You can expand its boundaries if you feel it is being responsible" (Russel A Barkley)

Positive Parenting - Tips

Dos

• Be vigilant in developing self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-reliance in your child.
• Make him feel free, happy and important at home.
• Have faith in his capabilities.
• Aspire for close relationships born out of love, affection, mutual concern and open-mindedness.
• Be friendly with a growing child and satisfy his hunger for information on various subjects.
• Every smallest amount of improvement in the child needs to be reinforced with at least some positive verbal remarks.
• Plan meal time together as a family, without television or gadgets.
• Plan discussing important matters while having joint sitting sessions or meals, or any other opportunity at getting together.
• Involve your child in daily chores at home.
• Monitor your child's leisure time activities.
• Parents must play a dual role: as eraser, wiping out your child's mistakes; as sharpener, sharpening his faculties.

Sai Parenting

Parenting is the art of bringing up children with good values or samskaras. It is a process of nurturing and tending young souls, who are sensitive to every input that they receive, both positive and negative.

In today's times it has become extremely difficult to master the art of Parenting. Many challenges have come in the way of discharging the responsibility of good parenting

Bhagawan Baba keeps reminding all parents that they are the most important factor in the lives of their children. They are the link between society and the child. The child's habits and attitudes, depend on the inputs and experiences that the child has in the early years of his life.

Children unconsciously imbibe whatever they see and hear from their home environment. The relationship that they enjoy with their parents forms the very basis of the development of their character.

Hence, Bhagawan Baba wishes that parents realise the importance of changing their life styles in order to transform and equip themselves for discharging their sacred duty of good parenting.

There is no doubt that any parent who follows Baba's guidelines sincerely and seriously will be able to meet the challenges of good parenting confidently and successfully.

Parents play a very significant role in supporting the physical, intellectual, moral and emotional development of their child.

• Physical : Nourishment
• Intellectual : Sound education ensuring that the child's mind is constructively engaged.
• Moral : Moulding his character by strengthening his moral fabric.
• Emotional : Ensuring a safe, loved and peaceful environment at home.

Sai Parenting should incorporate the Five Ds enunciated by Swami.

• Duty - Ensuring a happy home.
• Devotion - Helping the child connect with Swami.
• Dedicating - their time and energy for the child.
• Discrimination Doing only what is good for the child's overall wellbeing.
• Discipline - - Administering 'law with love' by balancing discipline with love during interaction.

Appropriate disciplinary measures must be resorted to. For example, to cut butter- a knife; to break iron- hammer etc. Parents must pretend to be angry without harbouring real anger in the depth of their heart.

Five Processes That Neatly Correspond To The Five Human Values And Positive Parenting

Parent Contact Programme (PCPs)

Parent Contact Programmes provide good platforms for parents and balvikas gurus to meet and discuss issues related to parenting. Such workshops create self-awareness in the parents thereby stimulating introspection. They aim to transform them into conscious parents by making them RESPOND to the needs of their children rather than REACT.

I. Contacting Parents At The Class Level

It is important that a balvikas guru remains in touch with the parents of her balvikas class children. She must ensure that parents are introduced to the concept of balvikas, its objectives and its imperativeness in the blossoming of a child's personality.

They must understand that such a curriculum cannot be imparted either in private tuitions or at home. Therefore, the guru should invite the parents to attend her balvikas classes at least once a month. Once they start attending the classes, parents will begin to appreciate the content and the methodology being adopted in the balvikas classes.

The guru should motivate the parents by highlighting the important role of the parents in fulfilling the objective of the balvikas programme. Regular personal contact of gurus with parents is very important. Occasional visits to the child's home will be helpful. When the parents observe the interest taken by the guru in their child, they too will reciprocate.

Parents should repose faith and trust in the guru and be encouraged to share the problems of their child, if any. The guru can also give a list of issues that need to be monitored by the parents at home with utmost confidentiality. This list can include discipline, sibling rivalry, obedience, self-reliance, involvement in family chores, friends, use of gadgets, academic performance, etc. The parent can tick the relevant issues in the checklist.

Based on this feedback, the guru can give suggestions to tackle the problems. She should ensure that the child’s issues discussed by the parents are kept confidential. Any feedback is to be given with a feeling of compassion devoid of judgment or condemnation. This will build bond of trust between the parent and the guru making every interaction between them useful for the child's development.

Also parents should be educated about the importance of Spiritual Diary. They should be advised to monitor the spiritual diary of the child regularly, as it helps assess the child's day-to-day progress in his behaviour.

Various Means To Involve Parents At The Class Level

• Celebration of Maatru Puja
• Games and activities for reinforcing the bonding between the child and the mother. (See Annexure)
• Special talents of parents like yoga, singing, dancing, art & craft etc. can be utilised in the balvikas class.
• Competitions can be held for parents- rangoli, quiz, fireless cooking etc.
• In regular Samiti bhajans, balvikas children may be given chance to sing. parents enjoy to watch their children take part in bhajans.

Note To Gurus

Care must be taken to see that these activities are executed without encroaching much upon the limited time available with children and parents. Discussions about the children should be kept confidential and should never be done in their presence.

II. Contacting Parents At The District Level (PCPs)

Sai Parenting Workshops are organised in a much different manner, as compared to the school PTMs, where the focus is more on the subjects rather than the child.

SCHOOL PTMs	SAI PCPs
Subject-oriented	Child-oriented
Formal	Informal
Inter-personal (child compared to his classmates)	Child compared to his own earlier self
Education for living	Education for life which emphasises on character development
Parents are generally blamed and made responsible for the poor academic performance of the child.	There is no blame-game
Parental suggestions rarely entertained	Parents suggestions are solicited
The teacher plays the dominant role	Democratic atmosphere
Child has to conform to a specific school standard	Each child is unique; no child inferior to another
Students are expected to bring good name for school	Unconditional love given by balvikas guru
Parents return home stressed	Parents return home with great hope

Organising Parenting Workshops In The Changing Socio-Economic Scenario

In today's times, children are exposed to numerous negative influences at home, in school and all around.

Present Socio-Economic Scenario

• Nucleus family
• Working mothers
• Consumerism
• Competitiveness
• Materialism
• Tech-savvy
• Stress
• Increased socialisation
• Degradation of family values....

Hence SAI-PARENTING is the need of the hour.

Planning

• Day, time, duration, venue & age group of balvikas children.
• Informing parents about the Parents Meet.
• Both parents to attend without the child
• Registration
• Arrangement of chairs in an inverted U-shape & not class-room type for face-to-face interactions.
• Swami's sayings and quotes on Parenting displayed
• Ambience
• List of probable issues for discussions
• Tick-issues list (See Annexure)
• Self-appraisal Questionnaire (See Annexure)
• Pamphlets on Parenting
• Exhibition on Parenting & Banner (optional)
• Preparing Group Activities (see Annexure))

MODEL PARENTING WORKSHOP SCHEDULE

• Registration (with Remarks & Suggestions column)
• Lighting the lamp by a parent
• Veda chanting/Ganesh, Guru, Sarva Dharma Bhajans
• Self-introduction by parents.
• Introductory talk by guru.
• Role of parents in balvikas
• Need for Parents Meet, to provide a value-based atmosphere at home.
• Distribution of the 3 lists for feedback & further discussion
• (Short tea-break, facilitating a quick analysis of the feedback by balvikas guru’s teams)
• Identifying the predominant issues to be taken up.
• Initiating the discussion by a guru.
• Discussion of issues, probable causes and suggestions by gurus and parents.
• Uniqueness of 'Sai Parenting' by a guru.
• Anuvrat - Taking one value, the entire family practises it for a month. For ex. Cleanliness, discipline, less use of gadgets, praying together, gratitude, eating together etc.
• Group Activities – Stage performance (See Annexure)

Conclusion

• Summing up by a guru
• Sending love & light to one's own & all children- Affirmations. (see Annexure)
• Vote of thanks.
• Aarti
• Distribution of prasad, pamphlets/ mementos.

Role Of Balvikas Guru

• Facilitator & Moderator
• Friendly, observant, tactful, communicative
• Capable of taking the discussion forward and above all, familiar with Sai- Spiritual Parenting.

Precautions To Be Taken By The Gurus

• Try to cover as many issues as possible.
• One particular issue, not to take up a large chunk of time.
• Language-no bar.
• See that all parents participate in the discussion.
• No digression - bring back to the relevant point under discussion
• Tactful questions by the guru
• 'How do you think this can be sorted out?'- initiate such discussions.
• The guru should be more of a facilitator - intervening where necessary but not dominating or dispensing prescriptions
• The guru should be more of a facilitator - intervening where necessary but not dominating or dispensing prescriptions

Healthy PCPs provide platforms where parents themselves come out with their suggestions.

It is advisable to organise PCPs or Parenting workshops at least twice a year. Large gatherings of parents act as morale-boosters to parenting programmes. For the Parenting Workshops to be more productive follow-up is very essential.

Follow-up

• Regular contact with parents.
• Prepare data-base of parents and their skills.
• Invite experts for the next meet.
• Arranging professional help for children when required.
• Introduce the parents to Sai seva activities, bhajan, online-study circle etc.

Undoubtedly, any parent who follows the guidelines of Sai Parenting sincerely and seriously will be able to meet the challenges of good parenting confidently and successfully.

The path to peace-
"When there is righteousness in the heart, there will be beauty in the character. If there is beauty in the character, there will be harmony in the home. If there is harmony in the home, there will be order in the nation. If there is order in the nation, there will be peace in the world.”

- Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba

Annexure

Ideas For Gurus

This section contains interesting anecdotes, skit, group activities, motivational poems, panel discussion etc which may be used effectively while organising PCPs. It also consists of the following checklists for distribution among the parents in order to get their feedback.

• Priority List
• Tick-Issue List
• Self-Appraisal Questionnaire

1. Parent’s Priority List

   (Put 1 to 7 in order of your priority in life)

   Wealth

   Appearance

   Education

   Health

   Fame

   Career

   Character

2. Tick-Issue List

   (Tick the issues related to the child)

   Discipline

   Sibling rivalry

   Obedience

   Self-reliance

   Friends

   Gadgets

   Academics

   Academics

   Involvement in family chores

   Any other

3. Self-Appraisal Questionnaire

   Put a tick mark in the appropriate column.

   	NEVER	RARELY	SOMETIMES	OFTEN	ALWAYS
   1. Do you keep comparing your child with his siblings/ friends?
   2. Do you pass remarks or criticise his teacher/guru/school in his presence?
   3. Have you humiliated your child in the presence of relatives or others?
   4. Do you involve your child in simple household chores?
   5. Does your family pray and eat together?
   6. Do you express your love for your child?
   7. Do you applaud your child for any job done well?
   8. Do you show interest in what he has been learning in school and his balvikas class?
   9. Do you encourage him to share his daily experiences and problems outside the home with you?
   11. Do you overreact to your child's mistakes?
   12. Do you give your child a chance to explain his point of view?
   13. Are you able to devote enough time to your child?
   14. Do you monitor your child's leisure time activities?
   15. Do you interact with your child's teachers and guru on a regular basis?
   16. Do you allow him to use gadgets and play with his friends for as long as he wants?
   17. As parents, do you quarrel in the presence of your child?
   18. Are you keeping an eye on who his friends are?

Skit

Boomerang

Scene 1

Giri's mother : Giri, get ready. We have to leave in ten minutes. Just check if your grandmother is ready with her luggage, you go and help her. She is so slow.

Giri : Okay, amma. But where are you taking grandmother?

Giri's mother : Just do what I say, no unnecessary questions. (All of them reach the Retirement home.)

Scene 2

(Retirement Home)

Manager : Welcome, welcome! The room is ready. Let us finish the formalities. We will provide excellent care to your mother. Nothing to worry.(Giri is pained to see his grandmother, wiping her tears sitting outside the office.)

Giri : Papa, are you going to leave grandmother here all alone?

Dad : What do you mean Giri? She will have plenty of friends here. Look over there, how they are all enjoying.

Giri : But dad!

Dad : Keep quiet, Giri! (The staff takes the grandmother inside)

Mom & Dad : Don't worry Ma, we will be coming here every week to meet you.

Grandmother : (sad) Ok.

Scene 3

(A month later)

Giri : (sad) Amma, papa, have you met grandma and come? How is she doing?

Mother : She is very fine, beta!

Mom & Dad : She is enjoying her life there.

Giri : Is it so? Do they give good food there?

Mother : Yes, they give excellent food there. She is getting proper care there. Nothing to worry about her.

Giri : Are you sure?

Mother : Yes, it is the best place for old people to live; a home away from home.

Giri : That is great! Can you give me the address and phone number of that retirement home?

Mother : (surprised) What will you do with that information?

Giri : Please give, ma. (He notes down the information in his diary)

Mother : Why do you need this information, Giri? What will you do with it?

Giri : Is that not an excellent place?

Mother : Yes.

Giri : Are you sure?

Mother : Yes, there is no doubt in that.

Dad : Beta, are you going to give this information to your friends? Does someone need the details of a retirement home ?

Giri : No papa. I am noting it down as I will need it in the future when you grow old. You are saying that it is the best place for the aged; so I need not worry about you if I leave you both there later. (Both parents are shocked and look at each other. Giri goes to his room.)

This skit emphasises the fact that parents need to be cautious in their behaviour or else be prepared to face serious consequences. Children tend to imitate whatever their parents do.

Anecdotes

To children, parent’s presence is more important than their presents. Quality time spent together in the family matters a lot to children, as brought out from the following anecdotes.

1. A Touching Prayer

   In a primary school, the English teacher asked her students to write an essay on 'What will you pray to God for?’

   She brought all the answer scripts home and started checking them. One of the essays brought tears to her eyes. She asked her husband too to go through it. The essay went thus-
   "Oh Lord, make me a TV. I will then be allotted a special place in the drawing room. My family will remain around me throughout the day. They will not ignore anything that I utter. Every word that I say will matter a lot to them. If the TV needs to be repaired, my father will immediately attend to it. Likewise, if I have any problem, he will try to solve it immediately.

   Oh Lord! if I'm a TV, my father will come and sit in front of me once he returns from office. Everyone will vie with each other to be in my presence. If I become a TV, I can keep them all happy forever. Oh lord!, will you please fulfil this wish of mine?" Thus concluded the essay.

   The teacher's husband said, "Poor boy, shame upon his parents. Can't they spare some time to spend with their son?" The wife was still weeping. Wiping her tears, she replied, "This boy is none other than our son.”

2. Consultation Fee

   A very busy doctor gets no time to spend with his son. Whenever the son approaches him, the latter brushes him aside lest he be disturbed. He gives some money to the son every time to pacify him. The boy collects this money in his piggy bank.

   One day the son goes to his father's clinic and asks him about his consultation fees. He approaches the father with his piggy bank and gives 1000 rupees to him - his father's consultation fee! “I want you to spend at least five minutes with me today, like you do with your patients. I got first rank in my class. Here is my report card. Please spare some time for me dad, taking your fee!!"

3. I’m Not At Home

   A father tells his son Ravi that he is very tired and that he is going to rest in his room. He also says, “If uncle John comes, tell him I am not at home. He is a very boring person."

   Mr. John arrives and enquires about his father. Innocent Ravi says, "Uncle, my father asked me to tell you that he is not at home. He doesn't wish to meet you as you are a boring person!!” Needless to say how embarrassed the father must have by while hearing this from his room!

   Such behaviour by parents will have a deep negative impact on their children. It will not be surprising if Ravi ends up like his father. How can Ravi's father expect his son to be truthful to him?!

4. To Do Or Not To Do?

   Parent's actions should not be contradictory to the words they utter. This gives room for confusion and agitation in the tender minds - should they do what the parent is SAYING or what the parent is DOING? Little Sathya's skit “Cheppinattu Chestara" reflects this message and is very relevant even today!!

5. Give And Take

   Parents should set good example to their children and teach them good values.

   A boy falls into a pit accidentally. Passers-by start shouting to the boy one by one to give his hand to them, so that he can be pulled out, as it was not a very deep pit. But the boy does not stretch out his hand.

   One of the men observes the situation and guessed what the problem could be. He says loudly to the boy, “Come on, take my hand." The boy immediately grabs this gentleman's hand and he is saved.

   From the behaviour of the child, one can guess the nature of his parents. The parents do not have the habit of 'giving'!! They believe only in 'taking’!!! The boy too has been trained to take and not to give and this attitude could have cost his precious life.

6. Complaining Mother

   Some parents are never satisfied with their children. They never acknowledge their good work but keep finding faults with their kids. Their criticisms will have a great negative impact on the little minds.

   Scene l
   Mother Radha : "Meena, arrange your books properly; why is your bag not in place; when are you going to tidy your room?” One day a close friend comes over with her daughter to spend a day with them. The kids are told to play in their room while the mothers discuss their issues in another room.

   After a while the mothers are curious to see what the children are doing and go to the kid's room and start observing silently.

   Scene 2
   (The kids are playing a mother-daughter game. Meena is the mother and her friend Asha, the daughter.) Meena (continuously chiding) : "Asha, why are you doing that? Put this here. You don't know how to keep things neat and tidy.”.

   Scene 3
   (Now the mothers go back to the kitchen together. Radha understands that her daughter Meena is just imitating her.
   She realises that she should change her way of interacting with the child and that she should offer good words of appreciation and encourage her little child often.

7. Oh No!

   A family has guests over. They start conversing with the child and ask him his name. He says, “My name is ‘Oh, No’.” They are surprised at the strange answer given by the child. But they carry on the conversation.

   Soon the child starts fiddling with the glasses on the table, the mother enters and cries out to him, “Oh no, don't do that.”

   When the child gets his cycle and starts going around the guests, the mother says again, "Oh no, go out and play in the lawns!" Now the guests realise why the child said his name was ‘Oh! No!’.

8. Clap-Clap

   Rita was a special child of class 2, who could not be assigned any role in the school annual day programme.

   In order not to disappoint her, the teacher told her that she has been selected for clapping, along with the audience.

   When she happily and innocently announced this matter to her mother that evening, her mother reacted, “Oh! Very nice, Rita. Practise it well. Your teacher will be so happy if you do it well!! Clap clap!”

   This anecdote is an excellent example of good parenting. The mother is careful enough to see that her conduct and advice does not conflict with that of the teacher whom the child adores. If the mother had criticised the teacher, the child would have been disturbed or confused.

9. Pride And Prestige

   Imposing the will and wish of parents on their children will be detrimental to their interests. This applies more especially in the choice of their career.

   Scene - School PTM (Class XI Science Students)

   A class teacher is meeting the parents of those students who have fared very badly in the class tests. In her opinion, they lack the aptitude for Medicine, but may do well in some other stream. When she shares her opinion with the parents, they do not agree. The reaction of some of the parents are as follows-

   Father 1 : In my family, most of his cousins are doctors. Naturally, I too want my son to become a doctor. It is a matter of prestige for me.

   Father 2 : : In my family, there are no doctors at all. So it will be a matter of great pride to us if he becomes a doctor.

   Father 3 : In my childhood, my ambition was to become a doctor and it remained unfulfilled. I wish my daughter fulfils my dream.

   Father 4 : As a renowned cardiologist what is wrong in expecting my son to follow my footsteps?
   Alas! none of them gave due importance to what their children wanted to be in the future!

Poems

Poem 1

More often than not, parents are to be held responsible for their children’s inappropriate behaviour.

If your children lie to you often, it is because you over-react too harshly to their inappropriate behaviour.

If your children are not taught to confide in you about their mistakes, you’ve lost them

If your children had poor self-esteem, it is because you advice them more than you encourage them.

If your children do not stand up for themselves, it is because from a young age you have disciplined them regularly in public.

If your children take things that do not belong to them, it is because when you buy them things, you don’t let them choose what they want.

If your children are cowardly, it is because you help them too quickly.

If your children do not respect other people’s feelings, it is because instead of speaking, you order and command them.

If your children are too quick to anger, it is because you give too much attention to misbehaviour and you give very little attention to their good behaviour.

If your children are excessively jealous, it is because you congratulate them only when they successfully complete something and not when they improve at something even if they don’t successfully complete it

If your children intentionally disturb you, it is because you are not physically affectionate enough.

If your children are openly defiant, it is because you openly threaten to do something but don’t follow through.

If your child is secretive, it is because they are sure that you would blow things out of proportion.

If your children answer you back , it is because they watch you do it to others and they think it is just normal behaviour.

If your children do not listen to you but listen to others, it is because you are too quick to jump to conclusions.

If your children rebel, it is because they know you care more about what others think than what is right.

Poem 2

The following poem sums up the need for good parenting!

"Children Learn What They Live"

• If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
• If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
• If children live with ridicule, they learn to be shy.
• If children live with jealousy, they learn what envy is.
• If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
• If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
• If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
• If children live with acceptance, they learn to find love in the world.
• If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
• If children live with honesty and fairness, they learn what truth and justice are.
• If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
• If children live with serenity, they learn peace of mind.

"With what are my children living?" should be the pertinent question each parent should be asking themselves!

Poem 3

The following poem expresses the intense feelings of a child who observes her mother silently and is inspired and motivated by every good act of her mother.

When you thought I was not looking..

"When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my favourite cake for me, and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have to take care of what we are given. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good, and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry. When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up. When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and wanted to say, Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.’ (SSSBV Magazine 2013 Jan)

Dynamic Parenting Mantras (Group 3)

• Your Presence matters more than your Presents
• Connection rather than Commands
• Encourage culture of openness
• Build long‑lasting, perfect relationships
• Emotional well‑being
• Respond rather than React
• Law with Love;
• Freedom with discipline
• Offer choices; Structure routine with clear rules
• Guide with grace
• Efforts matter more than achievements
• Celebrate his progress; not perfection
• Encourage small wins; Praise & Reinforce
• Failures give Feedback;
• Fear of failure destroys confidence
• Results in Fight or Flight response
• Dual role of parents - Sharpener & Eraser
• Do not impose your dreams on your child
• Instead of being the author of your child's story, be his editor
• Help him embrace his strengths
• Guide him into discovering his purpose
• Be a role model
• Be - Do - Tell
• Inspiration matters more than Instructions
• Children mirror parent's behaviour
• What you model is what they master
• Make your home into a spiritual sanctuary
• Ensure a safe, secure, supporting home environment that encourages mutual trust, respect, understanding and cooperation.

Affirmations

Always feel positive, optimistic and auspicious about your child's future Baba repeatedly reminds us of the ancient truth: "Yad Bhavam Tad Bhavathi - as is the feeling so is the result."

In their deepest feelings, parents and teachers must always be positive, optimistic and auspicious about the future of all children. This feeling of auspiciousness truly symbolises our faith in Bhagavan and our surrender at His Lotus Feet.

The following affirmations can be used as an oath parents take at the end of the PCP.

• Every child is a different kind of flower; together they make a beautiful garden.
• Inside every child is a rainbow waiting to shine.
• A child is like a butterfly in the wind… each one is different, special, and beautiful.
• The child is the beauty of God present in the world, that greatest gift to our family. (Mother Teresa.)
• Every child has the right to be respected, to dream, to be loved, to be cared for, the right to achieve their God-given potential, the need for unconditional love.
• God bless their health, their heart and their soul.
• Let us all celebrate the innocence, and purity of our children.
• May we be everything to them that they need, to have a full and complete journey.
• Let us put our minds together and see what life we can make for our children.

Quotes

The following quotes are for display in the PCP venue.

• Home is the starting place for love, hope and dreams.
• A house is made of bricks and beams; A home is made of love and dreams.
• A happy family is but a heaven on earth.
• Home is just not a place, it is a feeling.
• Home is where one starts from. (T. S. Eliot)
• Family, like branches on a tree, grow in different directions, yet roots remain as one.
• Home is where you feel loved, appreciated and safe. (Tracy Taylor)
• It is not how big the house is, but it is how happy the home is that matters.
• Children are great imitators, give them something great to imitate.
• Children are not things to be moulded but are people to be unfolded.(Jess Lair)
• The best kind of parent that you can be is to lead by example. (Drew Barrymore)
• Parenting is a perfect opportunity to love and guide your children.(Peter Krause)
• Children are like wet cement, whatever falls on them makes an impression. (Haim Ginott)
• Parents are the ultimate role models for their children. Every word, movement, action has an effect.
• A father's goodness is higher than a mountain, a mother's goodness, deeper than the sea. (Japanese proverb)

Acronyms

Group Activities

1. Be-Do-Tell

   The guru tells the children that they should do as she says, i.e., they should follow her commands.

   First she says, "touch your nose"; she does so and all the children too touch their noses.

   Next, she says, “touch your ears" and she touches her ears; children too touch their ears.

   Again, she says, “touch your chin"; but she touches her head, instead.Many children may be touching their heads (action) and not their chins (command), i.e., they do what they see rather than what they hear.

   Children tend to imitate their parent’s actions. Children practise what their parents do, more than what they say.

   Note - The Guru can insert one wrong action in between 4 or 5 correct actions.

2. Touch Me

   (Suitable activity for Maatru Puja)

   A blindfolded mother is made to sit at the table with one hand outstretched on the table.

   All the children of the balvikas class form a line.

   Each child comes up to that mother one by one and touches her hand.

   The moment she is able to identify the touch of her daughter, she should hold her hand and hug her!!

   The game continues with the rest of the mothers recognising the touch of their respective children

   This is a mother-child bonding game which reveals the extent of their closeness. It is important that parents often express their love & affection by patting, hugging and fondling their children. This reinforces the bond of love between them!

   Note - The formation of the line must be altered every time.

3. Likes & Dislikes

   This activity shows how much the parents care to know about their children's likes and dislikes.

   Each parent is given a piece of paper and the guru asks each one to answer the following questions.

   What is your child's -

   • Favourite food
   • Favourite colour
   • Favourite teacher
   • Favourite subject
   • Favourite friend
   • Favourite hobby
   • Favourite bhajan
   • Favourite deity
   • And so on.

   Now another sheet with the same set of questions should be given to each child too.

   Example -
   What is your favourite food etc and their answers be recorded.

   Now the answers of each set of mother and child are to be checked to see how many answers are tallying.

   Note - The same activity can be reversed by asking the child about the likes and dislikes of his/her mother and again cross checking the answers.

4. Hide & Seek

   Every mother stands along with her son/daughter. Each child will have something hidden in his/her fist. Mothers have to find out what it is. Mothers may adopt different methods.

   The first mother asks the child about it, she denies having anything and the mother forcefully and aggressively opens her fist to see what she is hiding. The second mother starts having conversation with her child, pats her cheeks and hands and slowly she makes the child open her fist on her own. The third mother calmly asks the child what he is hiding and he opens his fist and shows it to her.

   In the fourth case, the child herself says, "Mother, guess what I'm having in my hand?” The mother can make random guesses and the child herself opens the fist and says, “No, I have a chocolate" and both have a hearty laugh together!

   The above activity reflects on the parenting styles!

5. Panel Discussion

   (Mothers-4, gurus-2, balvikas alumni-2)

   Gurus : Sairam to you all!

   Everyone : Sairam!

   Guru 1 : Welcome! Hope your children are enjoying & benefitting from our balvikas classes.

   Mother 1 : Thank you for your great efforts, gurus. No doubt we realise how important balvikas classes are for our children. But, often I find it as an extra burden on my beti's daily routine. My beti has tuitions after school for 6 days. She needs to relax during the weekend after a stressful week. But on Sunday too she has to go to her balvikas class.

   Mother 2 : I too agree. Besides, weekly school homework has to be completed on time. Or else punishment! So much burden on our poor kids.

   Guru : How does she feel when she is back from school? Does she share what all happened at school that day?

   Mother 1 : Where is the time for her to sit and talk?

   Mother 3 : But my son looks so relaxed when he is back from his balvikas class; he starts telling me the stories narrated in that class, about the game that they all enjoyed playing. He keeps humming the new song or bhajan he had learnt that day.

   Guru : Do you notice the difference? The balvikas class is a pleasant diversion from their monotonous routine. They feel relaxed enough to face the ensuing busy week, as it fills them with positive energy.

   Mother 4 : In the terminal exam, my son secured the last rank in the class. He was so ashamed and upset that he refused to go to school for two days.

   Guru : That's the difference. We don't compare one child with the rest. To us what matters is the child's present performance, as compared to his previous performance. We believe that each child is unique.

   Mother 1 : My daughter is a class topper, but the problem is, if she misses her first rank any time, she gets very dejected and isolates herself for a long time. We are so worried about that. I don't understand how she will learn to cope up with further challenges in her board exam, entrance exams etc.. We hear all sorts of news. So I am very tensed.

   Guru : We teach that failures don't matter much and should not be taken to heart; they just need to focus on their studies well and write the exams well. The result is not in their hands. For ex. during exams many other factors are at play- like a tough paper, bad health, very strict correction etc. How many things can the students worry about? One has to do one's duty well and leave the rest to God. They learn so from the Bhagavad Gita, being taught to them in our classes. They remain connected to God which strengthens their faith in God and in themselves.

   Mother 3 : True. My beti keeps assuring me calmly, saying Swami will do what is best for her. This kind of positive attitude in her is only due to her attending the balvikas classes. Thank you, ma’am.

   Mother 2 : My son lacks focus on studies. His attention span is very short, hardly 15 minutes. He evinces very little interest in studies. I really don't know what to do. Without focus his academics suffers a lot.

   Guru : Why do you think the children are taught Jyoti Meditation and Gayatri Mantra- only to boost their focus and memory power.

   Mother 3 : My daughter chants the mantra 21 times daily and she says it has strengthened her focus and memory power and she has now started doing well in her weak subject- Maths!

   Mothers : Is it so?

   Guru : Parents should make sure that the children chant the mantra regularly. You too can join them. They will feel so happy!!

   Guru : The saying goes, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” Children need some diversion from regular academic work and the balvikas class affords them that kind of diversion. Moreover, the time spent for their balvikas class is just 4-5 hours out of say, 720 hours a month. Thus, time to be devoted by them for balvikas classes is so less as compared to their tuitions. The balvikas syllabus is not rigid. No class tests. No homework. So balvikas classes do not add to their tension at all. They only act as stress-busters which help them perform well in studies. We gurus are so very understanding; we never force anything on them. Rather than being a burden, as you pointed out, our classes supplement their academic performance, though not directly, but in a subtle manner which lasts for life time.

   (Hari & Ravi, balvikas alumni of the guru, enter)

   Both : Sairam aunty!

   Guru : Sairam Hari and Ravi! Welcome, welcome!

   Guru(to mothers) These boys are my alumni from last year.

   Guru(to boys) : How is everything at your end? How are your parents?

   Both :Aunty, our board exam results were announced yesterday, both of us have secured above 90%. We wanted to share this good news with you.

   Everyone :Congratulations!!

   Guru :You have come at the right time, we all were having a discussion on the balvikas classes. You both can share your views on balvikas with us.

   Ravi : Yes aunty. It is from my balvikas classes that I had learnt to prioritise as to which subjects need more time and focus accordingly and did very well in my studies. Spiritual diary helped me to introspect, admit my faults and correct them. I used to be very short-tempered. Simple tips on anger management given by Swami trained me in channelising my precious energy towards studies, instead of wasting it on harbouring anger.

   Hari : I used to love the role plays. They developed in me empathy and helped improve my understanding and interactions with my classmates. I entered into no more quarrels with my classmates. Instead, we started helping one another in weak subjects, during free periods. Instead of wasting my free periods in chitchatting, l used to complete my homework and the credit goes to the regular practice of silent sitting taught in my balvikas classes. Indeed I owe a lot to my balvikas guru for all these transformations in me which enabled me to come out with flying colours in my board exam.

   Ravi : My mother always made sure that I was thorough with all the shlokas and bhajans that were taught in my balvikas classes.

   Mothers : So nice to hear you both. Now we realise the immense benefits of balvikas classes. The transformation may not be conspicuous; but it is subtle and long-lasting. It calls for patience on our part.

   Mother 2 : Also, I realise now that my son too should have joined balvikas, while he was studying in lower classes itself. You had suggested to me several times. But I never took it seriously. The academic pressure is much lesser in lower classes and my son would have got used to managing both school and balvikas classes easily. Like these alumni, he would have developed so much interest and involvement in his balvikas classes that he would never feel balvikas as an extra burden but would make time for it in his schedule.

   Guru (happy) : Thanks to our Swami!! Sairam!!